E Draine
Baltimore, Maryland
“I feel like it’s really ironic. Because it’s mostly conservative media sources or media pundits that sort of use mental health as a talking point – as a defense or reason to reopen the economy – without considering that, first of all, this is a very complex issue, and it can’t be reduced to something as simple as, ‘Reopen the economy for people’s mental health.’
Ryan Roach: What has your experience been like during the pandemic?
E Draine: It’s been really strange in general, I think for many different reasons. I’m just going to touch on different parts of my identity. For instance, with work, I-I usually work with children. I say I’m like a glorified babysitter, which I probably shouldn’t say on record, but [laughs] a glorified babysitter. So right now, there’s no one allowed to be in the Rec Center besides the people that work there, so my job is to pass out food to people who need food, which is great. But I live in a more a more-a more a-more-a more-a more-a more-a more-a more-a more, affluent area. So a lot of people aren’t coming, I’m kind of alone. You know, it’s weird because I’m usually surrounded by children screaming at me for stuff, you know? And now there’s nothing. It’s been a weird shift for the way that I go about my day. I’ve been sitting with a lot more of my thoughts and a lot more with my mental illnesses because of just the noise and people. So I was already dealing with that. And now it’s not even fun anymore. I feel like I’m trying to keep this character alive. And it’s going on for a lot longer than I think a lot of us who do drag wanted it to or anybody really. But like the virtual aspect of it, I feel, like, isn’t really working for a lot of people, a lot of drag performers.
RR: Pretty much since December and really starting in March there has been a lot of information coming out from a lot of different resources about COVID-19. What has your experience been like accessing information during this time?
ED: Overwhelming [Laughs]. I feel like that’s me with any kind of information about the outside world because I used to be very involved in local and national political organizations for like three years. And then I got so overwhelmed. And this was before the virus – so overwhelmed. And I just kind of jumped ship. I stopped talking to people I was organizing with because I was just so overwhelmed with everything going on. It felt like I wasn’t doing enough constantly. So since then, I’ve been really restrictive on how I intake information. Because I feel like if I sit on my phone all day and I’m just reading stuff, I will not be okay, you know? And I really learned that. So I feel like I mainly get stuff again from online, but it’s very sporadic. You know, it’s nothing like every day. Because what’s really changing from day to day that I can’t find out? You know what I mean? Maybe that’s a privileged thing to say, but it probably is. I don’t know; I feel like I just get so overwhelmed that just adding on another thing for me to obsess over is something I don’t really need right now. I kind of look at social media, and then I kind of get off.
RR: Since the pandemic hit there has been a lot of messaging from the government and from the media that disabled people and people with underlying health conditions are “vulnerable populations”, and this is a terminology the government and the media has really decided to use. What are your thoughts on the term “vulnerable”?
ED: It’s hard for me to answer that because I-I understand that people who are disabled, or you know of-of these populations, are vulnerable in some sense. But my question is, why are they vulnerable? It’s kind of weird to be like, “These are vulnerable people, and it’s because of society.” It’s very strange for the government to be labeling a population as “vulnerable” and not really doing anything about it. Like, before the virus, after the virus. So I don’t know, I get it. But I think that the word’s meaningless when there’s no action.
RR: How do you feel about how the government and the media have been treating these populations that they have deemed “vulnerable”?
ED: Not well. I think that they are half using people that are disabled as scapegoats – well, not scapegoats, but kind of like guilting people into wearing masks because of vulnerable people. But then, again, not doing anything to help these vulnerable people. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Like, why care if you’re really not going to care? Then again, I’m not surprised by any of this.
RR : Over the past few months businesses, schools, and universities have started to accommodate the general public with accommodations like work from home or telehealth services. A lot of these types of accommodations have been asked for previously by the chronically ill, disabled, and neurodiverse communities, yet these communities were almost always denied. Why do you think society has been able to quickly adjust to accommodate the general public when these requests for accommodations were almost always denied in the past?
ED: Well, I think it comes down to ableism. It comes down to things, like you said, being available for so long. And then it’s only implemented because, if not, it would affect capitalism. Like-like if businesses didn’t allow a majority of their employees to do telework, then their business would ultimately fail. But they can’t.
But they do deny maybe one or two people of their business accommodations because they’re disabled because they’re able to, and no one really says anything. Because there’s no backlash, there’s no consequence. It’s this person being like, “Okay, this sucks.” Or getting a new job, maybe bringing it up to higher, but usually people don’t because of what could happen, ‘cause it’s their job. Like, you don’t want to lose your job, especially now because of the virus. I feel like work is so unstable for a lot of people.
I’m thinking things are gonna get really bad coming up. And I think that by doing these little things – by giving people little crumbs of, like, telework,
two extra dollars an hour for coming in. It just kind of keeping things from stalling. So, just to reiterate, before the virus I feel like there was no reason to care, there’s no like financial loss, there was no anything. But now there is.
RR: Coinciding with the pandemic, in the United States is that we’ve been seeing a lot of uprisings that were sparked in May by the murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd by police. A lot of people have been taking to the streets in support of the Black community and the Black Lives Matter movement and speaking out against state sanctioned violence. Sometimes these physical protests aren’t always accessible to the chronically, disabled and neurodiverse communities, yet they do find ways to show up. During this time period, have you found any ways to be a part of the uprisings? And if so, what does that look like for you?
ED: In the beginning of the uprisings, I was out on the streets and I was trying to be a part of it. But this was when my eating became especially bad. So I felt I couldn’t stand up, I felt like I couldn’t march for long, it was so hot. I just felt like I was going to pass out any minute. So I tried another one, and I just felt so sick. And it just kept getting worse, and worse, and worse.
Also, I don’t want to use my work schedule as an excuse, but it takes up a large portion of my day. And by the time I get home, I’m mentally worn out by trying to be okay and figure out coping mechanisms at work, which I’m still working on. Besides that, I have been donating a lot of my income to different trans organizations, disability organizations, Black organizations. Not only that, but I continue to have conversations at work about race and-and discrimination. I had one today, actually, and I’m very open about my views at work. Which probably isn’t a good idea since I work for the city. [Laughs]. But, it’s complicated because I’m coming from a place where I was actively involved in organizing for three years. And I’ve been a part of different protests and demonstrations. Going from that and then now, where I feel like I just can’t because of just my physical health and just not being able to stand up for like an hour. Yeah it sucks. Because I feel fulfilled when I’m there. I feel fulfilled when I’m seeing stuff, when I’m helping, when I’m giving things to people. But when I’m on the sidelines donating money, I know it’s important, but it just feels like it’s not what I should be doing. I feel like I should be on the front lines. But I feel like I can’t.