Corvus Embermantle
Portland, Oregon
“I feel like it’s really ironic. Because it’s mostly conservative media sources or media pundits that sort of use mental health as a talking point – as a defense or reason to reopen the economy – without considering that, first of all, this is a very complex issue, and it can’t be reduced to something as simple as, ‘Reopen the economy for people’s mental health.’
Ryan Roach: What has your experience been like during the pandemic?
Corvus Embermantle: [Sighs]. So I was one of the first people in my choir group to learn about the existence of COVID-19. I learned about it from another choir member who is also immunocompromised and chronically ill. We both showed up to the first Tuesday in March to rehearse with masks on, which we both owned already because when you’re chronically ill you just already have that stuff. We were both wearing masks and gloves and we brought sanitizer and we brought printed out info on how to properly socially distance, the correct way to wash your hands to make sure you sanitized them and this is how far apart you should be standing. And no nobody listened. And we were kind of heart broken cause we knew that we couldn’t come back to rehearsal if this was how people were gonna handle it. And before the next rehearsal, I got sick with COVID. And I was in the hospital. And I was on a ventilator for seven days. Between March 13 to March 21. And that opened up the eyes of everyone in the choir. We had a little bit of resistance for moving to virtual rehearsal but ultimately just about everyone was on board. And we’ve had most people now saying that even if physical rehearsal was a thing next year, they’d want to stay virtual just in case. So it’s been really interesting to see the difference in community response between before I got sick and after.
RR: What was your experience like being in the hospital, during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic?
CE: It was terrifying actually because I was on a ventilator, I couldn’t speak for myself. And they also had my hands tied to the bed so that if I woke up I wouldn’t pull out the ventilator instinctually. And that meant that I really had no way to communicate my needs while I was in the hospital. I would try to use my limited knowledge of sign language but most nurses didn’t understand any of it. And so I would have to point and grunt and try to make my needs known through my body language and my eyes. [Sighs]. I managed to catch a break when I convinced a nurse that I wanted to write things down. And then they would untie one hand, I would write on a sheet protector on paper and a dry erase marker. I would write things down that way. But even then I had to use one or two words to try and convey what I needed. I did have a visitor from my choir community- they let me have one visitor at a time and that helped a lot. My friends put together a playlist of music, and this friend, turned it on so I could just listen, and they would read to me while I kind of dozed in and out.
RR: Is there anything you wish the medical community understood about people’s experiences with COVID-19 while they’re being hospitalized?
CE: [Sighs]. That’s a big one. I do wish that things had been explained to me better while I was in the hospital. I didn’t find out until after I had been home for a few weeks that I had developed a staph infection while I was in the hospital. And no one told me that while I was there. No one told me anything about my condition. And while I was there, my blood family kind of bullied the hospital into making them my emergency contact and so, the chosen family here in Portland who I had designated as my emergency contact, weren’t able to get information about me. They would call the hospital and be told “Oh you’re not in our records, you can’t have that information.” And so just more acknowledgment of how queer people and chronically ill people need things set up differently like communication styles. When I was in the hospital they had a board with letters on it, and would be like, “Point to the letter and we’ll figure out what you want to say,” and that [sighs] is very slow. And I would point to a letter and they’d guess the one next to it. And a lot of the nurses were impatient. They didn’t have enough time between taking care of me and taking care of their next patient to really figure out my needs.
RR: Do you have any accommodations, supports, or outside needs that were interrupted by the pandemic? And, if so, what did that look like for you?
CE: Yeah, I have been relying on food banks for years now. And in the early days there was a group that put together volunteers who would go to the food bank and then deliver boxes to people’s houses. And then I don’t have all the details but for some reason that got interrupted, that group isn’t really around anymore and it’s been difficult to find people who have the time, and the gas money, to go to a food bank and then deliver it.